Sister Helen Baak

What is your full Sister name?

Sister Helen Baak


Date you joined the order?

July 2009


What is your lay occupation?

Did you just call me a ho?


Date of birth?

OMG!!! I was too young to date! I'm from Ohio, darling. Not Kentucky...


Home town?

I was born among the green oak trees of Dayton, OH… but grew up under the flashing neon of Reno, NV.


When did you discover your calling?

I was in line at the bar at Scandals and heard Sister Ghana Maria behind me say "Well hello boys!" I turned around and was instantly enthralled. I knew this was something I needed to do. It took me a few years to get here, but it was worth the wait.


Big Sister/Mother in the order?

I am the first born daughter of Sister Dixie Rupt


Why did you join?

I was sold to Sister Dixie as a small child for nothing more than a Zip-Lock baggie full of of glitter. She taught me to serve my community, help the needy and to wear something shiny at all times.


Religious beliefs (if any)?

If any.


Major projects with the Order?

My Novice Project was "Sing Out Sister!" Nuns singing karaoke? What could be better?!


Rules by which I live

1. Treat others as you would want to be treated

2. Knick Knack patty whack, give a dog a bone.


Other People's Words That I Find Instructive.

"Sister, I don't think that's an appropriate use of Polska Kielbasa…" — anonymous deli clerk

"If you can't love yourself, how HELL you gonna love somebody else?" - Ru Paul

Fully Professed Sisters

Sister Ann R. Kissed

Sister Betti Crotcher

Sister Edna Daze

Sister Florence of Faith

Sister Foranda Fleur

Sister Glory Glory Hole-lelujah

Sister Golden Hair Surprise

Sister Helen Baak

Sister Krissy Fiction

Sister Ohna Fuckin' Tirade

Sister Polly Amorous

Sister Reva Lation

Sister Spinna DeVinyl

The Vegan Mary


Fully Professed Guards

Guard Lance Boyles

Guard Noah Shame